Whispers
by embers of pain
Summary: What would happen if Sodapop was drafted, and ended up dieing in war? Ponyboy is going to having a hard time dealing with this; so what keeps him from going over the edge,and what makes him relize his own death is not the answer? Read and find out.Songfic


_**Okay I got bored and was listening to one of my favorite bands and for some reason the song, whisper made me think of Ponyboy if Soda died. SORRY SODAPOP, I LOVE YOU, BUT I HAVE TO KILL YOU FOR THIS TO WORK!This is my first songfic. Oh, and sorry if there's any misspellings or grammar errors! I don't own the outsiders, or this song. All credit for those goes to S.E. Hinton, and Evanescence. So… here I go...**_

**Whisper**

Ponyboy's POV

_**Catch me, as I fall.**_

_**Say you're here and it's all over now…**_

I had been dreaming about my brother, Sodapop… I had been falling into thin air, and he had caught me as I fell. Holding me against him, as he said, "I'm here, you're okay now." Again I felt safe, and then he dissolved, and was gone… I jerked awake, a sick, empty feeling in my stomach and a cold sweat running down my skin...

_**Speaking to the Atmosphere,**_

_**No one's here and I fall into myself…**_

_**This truth drives me into madness.**_

"Soda!" I screamed my dead brother's name, to the sky. I took several deep breaths, as I tried to forget the dream. Slowly I got out of the bed, Soda and I had once shared, and crept over to the window. "Why'd you have to leave Soda?" I asked, looking up at the stars. "I can't do this without you, I can't go on…" The day he had been drafted, I knew it had been a possibility that something might happen, but I had never truly understood what life would be without him. Not until he was taken from me. Him being gone forever was slowly killing me. Every day I had to remind myself not to do something stupid. To remind myself he was dead, and when I thought I heard his voice, that it was all in my head. My knees gave out and I crumpled on the floor, hugging myself, and trying not to cry again, even for the person I had loved most…

_**I know I can stop the pain, **_

_**If I will it all away.**_

_**If I will it all away!**_

Several times I had thought about ending the pain I was going through. I knew how I could stop it; end this hell I was living in. If I would just let my body go, and stop resisting it, just let my will go, I could end this. One thing has stopped me so far, and that's Darry. We may never have gotten along that entire well, but I knew he did love me. Losing one brother was hard on him, but losing both, after losing his parents would destroy him. So I had held on for a month so far for him…

_**Don't turn away!**_

_**Don't give into the pain.**_

I forced myself to stop thinking of what I could do to end my pain. I couldn't give in to it, not with Darry being my only family left. No I wouldn't give in…

_**Don't try to hide, **_

_**Though they're screaming your name.**_

_**Don't close your eyes.**_

_**God knows what lies behind them.**_

_**Don't turn out the lights,**_

_**Never sleep, Never die.**_

That's why every day; I still got up, and got dressed. I didn't have the best grades in school, but at least I went. Going to school was hard, but I couldn't cower away from everything, and hide away. True the feeling of depression always was around me, and it seemed like a bunch of creatures calling my name, to end everything. Every night I'd fight closing my eyes, because with sleep comes dreams of Soda, and him leaving in some way. Sometimes I don't turn out the light, most people would say it's stupid to try and stay awake, but they don't know what it's like when sleep brings memories of your brother's death...

_**I'm frightened**_

_**By what I see,**_

_**But somehow I know**_

_**That there's much more to come.**_

Looking over at the empty bed that Soda should be in, I felt fear overwhelm me, and yet in the morning I knew the emotions would be stronger. When I would be the only one rinsing and washing the dishes, after Darry had cooked breakfast. Or when five 'o'clock came, and Darry was the only one who came through the door. Soda would never walk through that door again, nor would I ever get to see him, because he was gone out of our life's forever, for good…

_**Immobilized,**_

_**By my fear, and soon to be**_

_**Blinded by tears.**_

Tonight, was a moonless night, and the darkness seemed to close in around me, making every breath a chore as fear paralyzed me. Never before had I been afraid of the dark, but now of days everything seemed unfamiliar, and unsteady. "Soda..." I started repeating him name over and over, as tears swelled in my eyes, and rolled down my cheeks…

_**I can stop the pain,**_

_**If I will it all away. **_

_**If I will it all away!**_

"You could end this all right now Ponyboy…" a voice in my head said repeatedly. "You could end this right now Ponyboy, and be free of the pain…"

_**Don't turn away!**_

_**Don't give into the pain.**_

_**Don't try to hide, **_

_**Though they're screaming your name.**_

"No!" I screamed at the voice. "No! Leave me alone!" I'm going crazy; I don't know reality from dreams half the time anymore. Everything's confusing and unreal without him…

"Ponyboy?" Darry called, coming through my bedroom door, and flicking the light on. Before I knew it, he was by my side, holding me in his arms, stroking my hair, murmuring stuff I couldn't understand. We sat like that for minutes before I slowly started to calm down, and Darry pulled me to my feet, and helped me into bed.

"You need to get some sleep, Pony…" he said in a gentle tone, that he rarely ever used. "Things are going to be okay I promise." With that he walked out, turning off the light, but left the door open…

_**Don't close your eyes.**_

_**God knows what lies behind them.**_

_**Don't turn out the lights,**_

_**Never sleep, Never die.**_

I couldn't shut my eyes, because every time I did, I could see Soda's face, at first fine, then scared and him yelling in pain. Getting out of bed, I turned on the light, and laid back down, but still never found rest…

_**Fallen angels at me feet,**_

_**Whispered voices at me ear.**_

"Ponyboy…" A familiar voice came, and looking down at the foot of the bed I saw Soda, with pure white wings. His smile was just as brilliant as ever, as he came around and knelt by my head. His hand wiped the hair on my forehead out of my face, and he kissed my cheek, then stood up…

_**Death before my eyes,**_

_**Lying next to me.**_

_**I fear she beckons me.**_

Another figure materialized by my side, lying down by me in the bed, her hair was a shining black, with eyes just as dark. He skin was death white, and I knew her name, even though I had never seen her before… death. She was looking straight at me, then her gaze shifted to the night stand Soda had ones used. Darry and I had not touched it since he died, but I reached over and opened the drawer. Inside was a Switchblade Soda had kept there, grabbing it I sat up. Looking at it against the palm of my hand, make me shiver. Death Got up, and went to stand next to Soda. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she gestured for me to come over, with her figure, shifting her gaze from me to the knife. Understanding now what she wanted I went numb with shock and fear, she was calling me to come with her, and Soda…

_**Shall I give in, upon my end?**_

_**Shall I begin, forsaking all I've fallen for?**_

_**I rise to meet my end.**_

I could give in so easily right now, but should I? I would be leaving Darry, forcing him to be by himself, but I could go with Soda. Pushing down on the button along the hilt, the blade of the knife sprang up. Carefully I placed it on my wrist, and looked up at Soda…

_**Don't turn away!**_

_**Don't give into the pain.**_

_**Don't try to hide, **_

_**Though they're screaming your name.**_

_**Don't close your eyes.**_

_**God knows what lies behind them.**_

_**Don't turn out the lights,**_

_**Never sleep, Never die.**_

His face held sadness, as he looked down at me; he shook his head, his eyes begging. I lowered the knife into my lap, and got a firm grip on it. It wasn't Soda's fault he had to die, and I realized I couldn't cause my own death. I missed him true, but that didn't mean I could give into the pain I was feeling. Darry and I could get through this, but we need each other to do that…

_**Don't turn away!**_

_**Don't give into the pain.**_

_**Don't try to hide! **_

_**Though they're screaming …**_

_**Don't close your eyes!**_

_**God knows what lies behind them.**_

_**Don't turn out the lights,**_

_**Never sleep, Never die.**_

"Okay." I whispered to Soda, closing the knife and putting it back into the nightstand. "I can be strong too."

A grin spread over my brother's face again. "I know you can." He replied. "I love you Ponyboy."

"I love you too."

"Take care of Darry, Kay?" Nodding, I gave a small smile to him, just before him and death disappeared. I waited for a few minutes, then slowly got up, turned off the light, and lay back down. For the first time in a month, I closed my eyes, and saw nothing, A heave weight seemed to be lifted from me whole body. I missed Soda still, more then I could ever say, but after tonight I knew things would someday be okay. True, I don't have Soda right now, but I would see him again. After death came to release me from my ties to this earth, but that would only happen when fate said it would. Until then I would keep living life, and try to enjoy every second I have with the people I love, and who love me. Now I knew the point wasn't that I had lost my brother, it was that I had been able to spend time with him while he had been here. The point was, I had, had a brother named Sodapop, and he had been amazing. l still love him so much, and yes his dying is something to morn over, to be sad because it happened. However, after you morn for awhile, you have to get back up, and start walking again. His death had been hard, but it was nothing to die over…

_**Don't turn away!**_

_**Don't give into the pain.**_

_**Don't try to hide! **_

_**Though they're screaming your name.**_

_**Don't close your eyes.**_

_**God knows what lies behind them.**_

_**Don't turn out the lights,**_

_**Never sleep, Never die...**_

_**Okay so… how did you like it? I know it's kinda cheesy, but I really wanted to write it. Again I'm sorry for any Grammar, spelling errors! Please review; just hit that little button right now there… Pretty please? I'll give you a treat if you do… ;) **_


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